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| July
4th day Jokes |
What
happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston
to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide!
What do you call a parade of German mercenaries?
A Hessian procession!
What would you get if you crossed a patriot with
a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!
What would you get if you crossed George
Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!
What's red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a
dog?
A revolutionary warthog! |
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,"
boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of
10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a
thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less
than $50."
"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a
day?" |
SURGEONS ARE TAKING A COFFEE BREAK.........
1st surgeon says: "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up,
everything inside is numbered."
2nd surgeon says: "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.
3rd responds: "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is colour coded."
4th intercedes: "I prefer lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and
their butts are interchangeable."
To which the 5th surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says: "I like
engineers... they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end." |
What
was Thomas Jefferson's favourite dessert?
Monti jello!
Teacher: "Which son of old Virginia wrote
the Declaration of Independence?"
Student: "I think it was Thomas Jeffer's
son."
What did King George think of the American
colonists?
He thought they were revolting!
Why were the early American settlers like ants?
Because they lived in colonies.
What famous pig signed the Declaration of
Independence?
John Hamcock!
What did George Washington say to his army at
Valley Forge?
"Sorry, men. The flights to Florida are all
booked up!"
What would you get if you crossed the American
national bird with Snoopy?
A bald beagle!
What would you get if you crossed a colonial
hairpiece with a teepee?
A powdered wigwam!
What's red, white, blue, and green?
A patriotic pickle!
What did the visitor say as he left the Statue
of Liberty?
"Keep in torch!"
What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage?
The Liberty Bellhop!
What ghost haunted King George III?
The spirit of '76!
Did you hear about the cartoonist in the
Continental Army?
He was a Yankee doodler!
What would you get if you crossed a monster with
Yankee Doodle?
Yankee Doofus!
What's red, white, blue and green?
A seasick Uncle Sam! |
The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school
teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the
things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her
from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . .
"I'm not free. I'm four." |
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